• Bola Kwame

How To Stop Being A People Pleaser

Many times, being nice can be misinterpreted as being complacent. I know you like to make everyone around you feel comfortable, but it is necessary to set limits.

Many times we become people pleasers and don't realize it. We believe that we are simply helping others, but in reality, we put our well-being at stake.

Look at the signs and find out today if you are a people pleaser. Don't worry, it's very normal and we've all been. Read to the end to find tips for working on it.

1. You have a hard time saying no

If you often find yourself in uncomfortable situations for not knowing how to decline an invitation, it can be a clear sign.

Many times we believe that by saying no to invitations or favors, others will stop loving us. Taking this thought to the extreme makes it impossible for us to say no.

You accept work that you shouldn't and cannot do. You attend outings that you don't like. You allow others to take advantage of you.

2. You apologize too much

Admit it, you apologize when you shouldn't.

No, don't apologize for that!

You usually say sorry even though you know you didn't do anything wrong. You even apologize when others hurt you. This is a defense mechanism because you prefer to stop the conflict. Saying "I'm sorry" is the endpoint of every fight, that's why you'd rather be the first to say it.

When others get used to you apologizing all the time, they may feel like they can treat you however they want.

3. You are easy to convince

Is it easy for people to change your mind?

Do you easily succumb to salespeople and end up accepting deals you didn't want in the first place?

You rarely hold your beliefs and opinions to the end if others don't agree with them. You don't want to look stubborn.

4. You give the reason to avoid conflicts

If you have to work in a team, you prefer to maintain group harmony. Even if for that you must agree with someone who's simply not right.

You don't want to annoy others by imposing your opinions, and you prefer to keep quiet and nod.

You avoid arguments and conflicts at all times, so you give in before I disagree with someone else.

5. You never complain

Nowadays nobody wants to be a Karen, but sometimes we just get screwed up.

A waiter who gave you the wrong dish, or the cashier overcharged you at Starbucks. Or an airline oversold your seat.

They may be honest mistakes, but we have to right to demand what is ours. But you never do.

You accept your plate that you didn't order because you will never complain to the waiter.

Tips for working on it

The first thing to keep in mind is that to stop being a people pleaser you don't have to be rude.

You can keep your cordiality at all times. Try this:

Prioritize yourself. I know you want to help others and be there for them, but make sure you take care of yourself first.

Your needs are important and you shouldn't sacrifice them for anyone.

Set limits. When others do or say things that make you feel uncomfortable, you can put boundaries on and still be nice.

Do not accept comments or deals that you do not like, be clear about what makes you feel bad.

Wait for them to ask for your help. You like to be helpful, but sometimes you have to let others do things for themselves.

Wait for them to ask you for a favor before offering to do so. Learn to turn down favors you can't or shouldn't do.

Setting limits may be frowned upon, but it can be done without being unkind. In addition, we must have them for the sake of our health.

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